So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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