I puked a lego.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
