I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
