I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
