Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize