I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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