were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
