Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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