When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
where are my eyebrows?
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