you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
