She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
