So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
