You can't special order awesome
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
