turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
