we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
