i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
