I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize