Porn is love you can see.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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