i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
