Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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