I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
