I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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