I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize