So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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