i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
