i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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