If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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