i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
