she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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