if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
