No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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