the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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