I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
