i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need a beard to bite.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
