direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
