; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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