just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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