I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
