brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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