Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
