My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize