he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
