Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
