Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
