dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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