I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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