Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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