i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
