went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
