I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
