Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
