the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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