The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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