ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
