3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
