If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
being pregnant is like rehab
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
