he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
