I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
