Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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