You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
