Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She even gives head with a lisp.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
