just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
