I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
