It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
