Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
