I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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