the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
