mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
