If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
