You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
