I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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